Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
