I wish my penis had an off switch
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
