How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
