I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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