She is in my trunk
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
