During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
