i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
everyone is single if you try hard enough
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
