You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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