and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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