This is not my ceiling
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
and you fell through a lawn chair
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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