There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
