If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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