literally had 100 drinks last night.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
