Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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