Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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