Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
