Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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