Apparently you make a good broom.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
