I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
