did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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