I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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