This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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