Don't make out with my wife yet
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
