I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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