dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
