You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
