I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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