i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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