wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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