Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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