The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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