I wanna bring you to show and tell
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize