I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
