the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
