I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
