So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
