You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
