Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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