You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
