dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize