Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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