Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
