If i come over, it means nothing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
