You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
nutella sex= disaster
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
