im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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