remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
