I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
