Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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