fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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