no one should ever give us hovercrafts
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
