I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
