I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
