my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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