did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
