will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
