I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
