It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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