mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
