mondays should just be called national damage control day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize