Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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