when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize