So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
