barbara walters just said penis...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
