I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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