Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
